Where are the Patriots?

The United States of America was founded on certain aspirational principles -- including, to "establish Justice" and "insure domestic Tranquility." Throughout our nation's history we certainly have been imperfect in our pursuit of those principles at times. Yet, a love for, or devotion to, the United States places an obligation on Americans to pursue and advocate for those founding principles to the best of our ability. Those who demonstrate a love for and devotion to their country are often seen as patriots. Yet we have never been a people to shy away from challenging those in power when they violate and walk away from our founding principles. Being a patriot means loving and advocating for our founding principles regardless of what those in power may say at any particular time. Where are the patriots today? Where are those who will speak truth to power and who will support and advocate for our nation's founding principles, even at some personal or professional cost?

In the face of much of what I see coming out of our federal government, I confess to feeling more powerless than I may have at any time in my adult life. In many ways, the White House and Republican majorities in the House and Senate are either turning their backs on, or ignoring the expansive  undercutting of, our nation's founding principles. What seems to me to be the most egregious, current violation of our founding principles involves the case of Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia, the man that the Trump administration has admitted was deported to El Salvador in error. 

After admitting that Mr. Garcia's deportation was an error, the Trump administration has not only failed to take any steps to rectify their admitted error, but has stonewalled complying with Orders from the U.S. District Court and the U.S. Supreme Court. I get it that the administration is making a point that they do not believe that the Courts can "tell them what to do," and especially related to foreign policy, but this is not fundamentally a dispute about foreign policy. This is fundamentally a matter of whether this administration, and their enablers in Congress, will keep their promises to "support and defend the Constitution." When does it ever "establish Justice" to erroneously grab a person off the street, fly them to a foreign country, imprison them, and fail to do anything to secure their return to the United States? This has nothing to do with foreign policy and everything to do with not owning and correcting an acknowledged "administrative error." 

Further, the administration is arguing that the El Salvadoran prison, where Mr. Garcia was sent by the Trump administration, is outside of U.S. jurisdiction and that the administration is powerless to secure Mr. Garcia's return. All I can say is that if the U.S. cannot persuade El Salvador to return a mistakenly and wrongfully incarcerated person who came from the U.S., then China and Russia have nothing to fear -- not to mention the fine people of Greenland. 

I have no misplaced hopes about what this second Trump administration will be. I am not surprised that Trump is breaking everything he touches and that chaos is the order of the day. I don't expect Donald Trump to support and defend the Constitution, except when it serves his personal interests. But I have different hopes and expectations of the Republicans in Congress -- or at least some Republicans in congress.

Why is no one on the Republican side of the aisle calling for Mr. Garcia's return? Why is not one Republican voice being heard calling this situation what it is -- a fundamental violation of establishing justice? Why are there no Republican voices calling for accountability for the decision to kidnap,  wrongfully deport, and imprison Mr. Garcia? Are there no patriots amongst the Republicans? No patriots who will put faithfulness to the Constitution and our founding principles above their fear of being primaried from the further right?

And if we, and our elected representatives, do not speak out now, who will be there to speak out for us when the midnight knock is at our door?

Reflecting on a well-lived life

Three years ago, Carmen lived her last day in this life and her first in the life to come. She was an extraordinary woman whose influence, mostly by the example of her consistent interest, care, and love, has been vast in scope and duration. For nearly 38 years we lived life together fully: raised kids, planted gardens, rode bikes, hiked mountains, read books, were frustrated and angry (mostly her with me), enjoyed the arts, watched lots of kid sports, sang in church, cooked, ate, cleaned up. In other words, we saw and did all of life together. Across the years, I saw in her a consistent godly character and desire to live life well, mindful of, and grateful for her redemption. 

One of the difficulties of a long illness (for those who are the caregivers) is that it is often easier to vividly recall the days of sickness and decline than to remember the times that came before. But I am finding that the more I can recall the days before the cancer journey, the more I can celebrate the person who Carmen was for most of her days.

After she passed away, I had the privilege of reading some of her journals from over the years. While these were her private thoughts when she was living, I share some of what she wrote in this public forum to honor her memory and to celebrate her legacy and example. Soon after we had discovered the first tumor, but before we really knew what we were dealing with, she wrote, "So--I pray that I won't die soon and that I won't be seriously ill or affected with long term physical limitations. These things seem small to ask in light of the greatness of Your purpose in your kingdom; but I know You love me." She was a pragmatist, and not a Pollyanna at all, yet she was able to hold, at the same time, an awareness of the reality of her physical condition and a gratitude and worship of God and His purposes (mysterious as they may be). A year into chemo she also wrote, "Oh Lord, hear my cry, turn toward me and hear my prayer. My heart aches! I love my little girls and it's hard to think that I might not see them grow up. Lord--I guess I've been expecting that I will die sometime soon. That's so sad and hard. Please give me strength and comfort. I need you right now." She felt the feelings deeply, yet her faith did not waver. A week later she wrote, "Lord--there is endless life ahead for me! What an incredible gift. And I do look forward to that--trying to imagine what it might be like."

Around this same time, our pastor in Houston was preaching on the Beatitudes where Jesus taught, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Pastor Jim encouraged people to write down that for which they mourn and to allow God to bring comfort to those losses. Carmen wrote: "Lost--since my diagnosis: time that is carefree; trips to MN and time with the Grandgirls; ability to play and give to them; trip to Mountain Lakes; hair; eyebrows and lashes; the physical strength I had; times biking with Ken; Christmas at the normal time; mental acuity; the freedom to look ahead and plan fun and retirement and even mundane things." Then she went on to write, "Father--I may list more later--but every time I write something down, it seems You remind me of how much better other things are now or how the loss is more than compensated by some good things!!" She followed this by writing, "Next I must list what I have gained--not only the list of what's lost! I've gained--from having cancer: closer walk with God; incredible support from friends and family; deep bond with my girls--they're fighting with me and show love and maturity and we share the sadness too--all of it together; understanding peace and receiving comfort from God; a grasp of today--the present--living in it and resetting priorities; prayer--communicating with my Father and more, more, more."

Our cancer journey followed an up and down path. Several rounds of different types of chemo interspersed with "chemo holidays" to let Carmen's body recover a bit of strength and to see if the tumor growth and spread had been slowed. Even as the journey turned to the long-expected decline, she retained a focus on what was needed for her heart's health and wrote, "I am going to work on being thankful and on who You are instead of looking at myself and my limits -- Yes I have more limitations -- but You are limitless and what is ahead for me is so beyond all these limits!"

About one year before she died we made the decision to discontinue treatment and return to Minnesota to be closer to family for the duration. In those months she remained engaged with family and friends and even started a small group at our church specifically for cancer patients and their caregivers. Her focus and awareness of her need for God and her anticipation of life everlasting in His presence continued to grow. Even in the midst of so much that she/we had lost, she was able to write, "[Lord] You are faithful to Your covenant and don't go back on your promises. If you did--we would all be dust. But instead you care for us and bind up our wounds and tenderly hold us. Lord, I need you to do that these days. I feel the disease and not just the effect of the treatments. I want to LIVE the rest of my life and not just try not to die. Most certainly I need and want to keep very close to You. Jesus, Father, Holy Spirit, draw me close and speak to me. Direct my steps and my words. Help me not to be anxious or to squander my time and energy or even my words. Please Holy, Mighty Lord--use this time for Your glory and for those I live much."

Toward the very end she was unable to write much, but the very last journal entry I have been able to find sums up Carmen's life and legacy:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power."

Soli Deo gloria

Best of times; Worst of times

Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities (first completed book of 2025) contains one of my favorite literary bookends:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way ..."

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known."

In between this beginning and this ending, opportunities are seized and squandered. Honor is acknowledged and ignored. Love is found, declared, lost, and found anew. Villains are exposed and heroes arise. In short, life is lived in the broad strokes of the French Revolution and the small details of the  expatriate household of a doctor/shoemaker.

Reading the book this week, alongside various news sources, it felt like Dickens was writing about  thoughts and feelings across America. Depending on who you ask, it seems like either the best or worst of times. There is hope for some and despair for others. Some voice eager expectations and others bemoan an impending jeremiad. Many who are far brighter, more connected, and with deeper insights than I, have written, and will continue to write about how these themes play out in contemporary American civic and political life.

But this time through the book I was captivated by a different thought. In the midst of the multi-national turmoil of the French Revolution, Sydney Carton found redemption in a small corner of that upheaval by his very personal choice. Carton did not still the guillotines, or bring peace between the classes. Instead, Carton sacrificed his one life to save one family from the loss and grief that awaited those named  Evremonde. One man's life given made a way for Lucie and Darnay to enjoy life, love, and their family together.

I find myself thinking about immigration issues in contemporary America. I cannot fix that which ails our immigration system. I cannot fix what drives people to feel so desperate that they must leave all that they have known to try to make their way to the U.S. I cannot fix the strong emotions on all sides of these issues that are diving families, friends, and communities across our country. But, like Sydney Carton, I can do what I can to help who I can. In this coming year (and probably beyond), I have committed to working with an agency in the Minneapolis area that works in the area of refugee resettlement. Whether it will be tutoring for citizenship exams, or filing paperwork on behalf of refugee families, I will do what I can to make a difference in small ways, rather than merely lament the conditions in which we all find ourselves.

Perhaps your issue is something other than immigration. Maybe human trafficking. Maybe literacy. Maybe other kinds of education. Maybe health and wellness. Maybe hunger relief. Whatever it is, what small thing can you do in 2025 to make a difference? No one is looking to you (or to me) to fix whatever the big issue may be. But you can make a life-altering difference for one person, one family, one community!

Why Read?

 With what feels like an ambitious goal of reading 65 books in 2025 (and books read to the small grandkids don't count), the question occurred to me, Why do I read? Is it because reading was an integral part of my upbringing? Because I have some thirst for knowledge? To have my horizons expanded and my mind stretched? To be transported to exotic places far away from Minnesota winters? Or perhaps all of the above.

Certainly reading was the norm in my childhood home. We had plenty of books around and were encouraged to read often -- although I do recall my sister Kathy and I being admonished to look outside and stop reading during car trips. Books took me beyond my Indianapolis neighborhood and all that was familiar. The Childcraft series (a subset of World Book Encyclopedia) was my classroom for knowing inventors, explorers, and pioneers. The Hardy Boys and Tom Swift lived lives or adventure and mystery with their good friends. In later years Richard Baxter, John Stott, and J I Packer led me to explore truths about faith and God in ways that went beyond what I could experience in my local church. The poetry of Mary Oliver has forged an even deeper awareness and appreciation for the natural world around me than I have seen with my own observations. Reading and books have enriched my life beyond what I can even imagine!

Yet for me, there is a danger in reading. That is, just because I have read something, or learned something from a book, doesn't mean that I actually "know" the thing. In Jordan Peterson's Maps of Meaning, he recognized that:

"All the things I 'believed' were things I thought sounded good, admirable, respectable, courageous. They weren't my things, however--I had stolen [borrowed?] them. Most of them I had taken from books. Having 'understood' them, abstractly, I presumed I had a right to them--presumed I could adopt them, as if they were mine: presumed that they were me. My head was stuffed full of the ideas of others; stuffed full of arguments that I could not logically refute. I did not know then that an irrefutable argument is not necessarily true, nor that the right to identify with certain ideas has to be earned."  (p. xvii) Perhaps another way of expressing Peterson's observation is "wishing/wanting doesn't make it so."

The purpose of this blog has been to help me to find authenticity in thought, action, and living. For me, a part of living authentically is to differentiate between thoughts, ideas, priorities, and beliefs that are "logically irrefutable", but belong to others, and those that I can legitimately own--that are me. In this coming year as I interact with fresh and unfamiliar ideas, theories, and concepts, I expect to be challenged and to learn. Different perspectives. Unknown (to me) ways of looking at the world. New fields of thought. Plenty of words to look up!

I want to carefully sift all that I take in. I want to remain openminded, yet firmly grounded. I want to keep in the forefront of my mind the words of the Apostle Paul: "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Philippians 4:8)

Now, where is that book?  

Painful Dissonance of Advent

 Advent is one of my favorite, and most challenging, seasons of the year. And perhaps this year more than many. There is a palpable sense of the "painful dissonance between the promise and hope of Christmas and a world wracked with sin and evil." The lights on houses and trees and the sounds of familiar carols stand in stark contrast to the bright flashes of explosions and the cries of the wounded and grieving in the Middle East, Ukraine, and so many other flashpoints around the globe. Hope seems at a premium and joy feels elusive.

Yesterday's Advent reading (I read each year from Watch for the Light by Plough Publishing House) made me sit still and ponder for a while -- and it has percolated in my heart and mind. Alfred Delp was a Jesuit priest who was hanged in 1945 because of his opposition to Adolph Hitler. In a piece written just before his death, he wrote:

"We may ask why God has sent us into this time, why he has sent this whirlwind over the earth, why he keeps us in this chaos where all appears hopeless and dark, and why there seems to be no end to this in sight. The answer to this question is perhaps that we were living on earth in an utterly false and counterfeit security. And now God strikes the earth till it resounds, now he shakes and shatters; not to pound us with fear, but to teach us one thing -- the spirit's innermost moving and being moved."

As I read these nearly 80-year old words, my heart echoed Fr Delp's questions. Why this whirlwind over the earth? Armed conflict. Disregard for basic human dignity. Oppression of women and the powerless. Political turmoil. Why no end in sight? We seem to never learn that violence and deception simply beget more violence and deception. Why are we still haunted by these same questions and issues and troubles? Is there no real hope?

Delp continues:

"The world today needs people who have been shaken by ultimate calamities and emerged from them with the knowledge and awareness that those who look to the Lord will still be preserved by him, even if they are hounded from the earth." 

So perhaps a core message of Advent is not the end of calamity or difficulty or upheaval, but a reminder that what we are experiencing in the here and now is not all that there is -- or will be. That this Advent season of waiting is not just waiting for Christmas 2023, but waiting for God to eventually renew all things.

Press on!

Ice crystals in the morning

 This morning, as I went to my car to head over to City Hall, I noticed a light covering of ice crystals on the windows. Ordinarily I would get out the scraper and dispatch the view-obscuring crystals as quickly as I could. But this morning I slowed down and looked closely at the intricate designs--each one seemingly unique. And I breathed a little deeper.

There is so much these days that can demolish our sense of calm and any feelings of hopefulness. The strife between Israel and the Palestinians. Corruption and deception in American politics. Wars on multiple continents. Innocents slaughtered, enslaved, or forgotten. The seeming triumph of evil over good at almost every turn (or at least that is what gets eyeballs and views in all sorts of media). Accounts of good and beauty seem rare, at best.

I wonder whether the good and beautiful are out there, quietly waiting to be seen and enjoyed--if we just slow down and focus on those things? How might the next few weeks feel different if I slow down and examine the "ice crystals" instead of being in such a hurry to get to the next thing on my to-do list? And longer term, how might my mind be transformed if I can train it to dwell on that which is honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise?

This winter it may take me a bit longer to get started in the morning, but I will build in the extra time to enjoy the ice crystals, take another deep breath, and calm my soul.

Pressing on,

Ken

The Necessary Question

 

As I write at Noon on the day after Election Day, we do not know who has been elected President of the United States. And that is not a problem to me. Certainly I would like to know the outcome of the election, but more important than my interest in information is that every vote is counted. It should not be a surprise to anyone that there is a lot of vote counting yet to do. A few days of patience could do us all some good--and provide some space for reflection.

Whether or not the election turns out the way I would prefer, one thing that is clear is that we are a country that appears to be very divided in our view of the past four years and our vision for the future. I do think that it matters who we elect as President, BUT it cannot be the factor that determines our national--and my personal--destiny. No matter who is elected, I must translate my view of the past and my hope for the future into tangible actions that I control. Yuval Lenin wrote an opinion piece in the New York Times this morning that framed the necessary question: 

It can begin with a simple question, asked in little moments of decision: “Given my role here, what should I be doing?” As a parent or a neighbor, a pastor or a congregant, an employer or an employee, a teacher or a student, a legislator or a citizen, how should I act in this situation? We ask that question to recover relational responsibility.

A failure to ask that question — and so to accept the obligations that come with whatever positions and privileges we have in our lives — is behind many of the most significant problems we face. It’s why so many of our fellow Americans have been left feeling that our institutions have failed to treat them like human beings.

As a citizen, husband, father, grandfather, neighbor, employee, manager, friend, and consumer, what should I be doing? As I ask this question, it forces me to consider and accept my own responsibility--in the context of interpersonal relationships--for what kind of future I will work to create. If I believe that our society needs to address the opportunity gap that arises from economic inequality, what am I going to do about that? If I believe that our society must protect and support all life, what am I going to do to support my view? If I believe that refugees deserve support, protection, and a safe place to heal and thrive, what am I going to do to help? NOT what should the government do, but what will I do?

I wonder whether asking and answering the "necessary question" will keep me busy enough that I won't really have time or energy to spend on what anyone else is doing or not doing? And I wonder if that might be a better outcome than decrying someone else's inaction or contrary actions?

Pressing On!

I Voted -- now the waiting

Now that I have voted, here are my final thoughts on the 2020 Presidential election:

As I write on October 29^th, 2020, many polls seem to be indicating a movement toward a Biden victory next week—but who knows? One thing that does seem pretty certain is that those people in the U.S. who are expressing opinions are deeply divided. While the campaign does not feel to me like it is as contentious and nasty as 2016, I cannot say whether that is because the tone is actually less abrasive, or whether our sense of civil propriety has been numbed over the past four years to the point where muddy looks clean.

Either way things turn out I am concerned. If Donald Trump is re-elected, I am concerned that, at best, we will get more of what we have seen the past four years:  the same incivility; the same indifference to the poor and disenfranchised; the same intolerance of differences of opinion; the same hostility toward immigrants and those who have labored for generations under the weight of racial and economic disparity; and the same disengagement from international commitments and cooperation. If he is re-elected, I am not sure that there is anything he could say that would allay my concerns.

If Joe Biden is elected, I am concerned about how far the pendulum will swing. While I can no longer support what the Republican party seems to have become, I also cannot fully embrace the Democratic platform—and that gives me pause. What would allay my concerns—and garner my full support—is if Joe Biden were to lay out just three priorities for his administration:

1.       Address and deal with the coronavirus pandemic. This would involve supporting health care workers and the development of an effective vaccine; implementing policies and approaches to public gatherings and personal behavior to slow the spread of the virus; and sufficient federal economic assistance so that when we emerge from under the cloud of the pandemic, we are economically viable enough to be able to work toward recovery and reduction of the debt we have incurred.

2.       Focus efforts toward making our national motto—e pluribus unum (out of many, one)—a reality. This would involve meaningful work to understand and address disparities in opportunity and achievement based on race, economic, and immigration status; meaningful and humane immigration reform that prioritizes legal immigration and clarifies refugee considerations; and civics education that promotes knowledgeable, respectful public discourse.

3.       Refresh the United States’ place in the global community of nations. This would involve restoring the view and practice that the United States is a reliable and trusted friend and ally—as well as an honest and determined adversary; and re-engaging with other nations on equitable trade, human rights, and climate concerns.

If a Biden administration could get us on track with real movement related to these three priorities, I believe that his presidency would be both a short- and the long-term success worth celebrating.

My “nightmare” scenario is that when this election cycle is over, the American people remain as polarized, divided, and entrenched as now—whether due to the actions and words of the vanquished or the victor; or the unwillingness to accept that “our” candidate came up short in the bigger, state-wide and national picture.

I cannot control what anyone else thinks or does, but I can wrangle my thoughts, words, and actions into alignment with what I believe about how we should treat one another in civil society. David Brooks wrote an opinion piece in today’s New York Times that resonated with me and I will close with his last four paragraphs:

 “Nobody has emerged unscathed. Those of us in the anti-Trump camp will be smiled upon by history I imagine, but we might pause for a moment to consider the mote in our own eye. Our own sins are the only ones we can control.

Over the past four years we've poured out an hourly flow of anti-Trump diatribes and in almost every case they rise to the top of the charts--most liked, most retweeted, most read. 

Even when justified, permanent indignation is not a healthy emotional state. We've become a little addicted to our own umbrage, addicted to that easy feeling of moral superiority, addicted to the easy affirmation bath we get when we repeat what we all believe. Trump-bashing has become a business model. Politics has become a way to define and identify your identity, and that is elevating politics to too central a place in life. He's made life all about himself, and a lot of us too readily played along.

Here’s one thing we will never be able to shake, the awareness that our basic standards of decency are more fragile than we thought; the awareness that any year, some new leader may come along and bring us back to a world of no bottom.”

What do we Americans really want?

The past few days have seen what is to me an interesting juxtaposition of ideas--the Business Roundtable on one side and the Trump Administration on the other. Certainly this duality is not the sum total of all that may drive decision-making, but it got me thinking.

The CEOs who make up the Business Roundtable came out with a statement recently (paraphrase) that the ultimate goal of a corporation is not simply to maximize shareholder return, but to enhance worker, customer, and societal benefit and value. The recent and repeated Trump statement (again paraphrase) is that because our 401ks have increased in value we must vote for Trump.

Whether there is any unique cause and effect relationship between Trump's policies and the performance of the economy I do not know. But query whether this should be the measure? Has our "American experiment" devolved to the point where the sole basis of evaluation is economic? Where the only value is money? Is it really primarily about me and mine and getting all that I can?

What about other ideals that been woven into the fabric of our culture, albeit imperfectly, from the early days--strength of community or being a refuge for the oppressed, the "different", and the  disadvantaged? What about service and shared sacrifice?

If I were to offer a word to those running for President (who are not Trump), I would suggest asking Americans of all racial backgrounds and political parties and economic status and ___________ (fill in the blank with whatever grouping you want to provide) to consider what type of a country do we truly want to be?

Do we really want to be a country where the primary measure of value is the checking account or 401k balance? Do we really want to be a country where we pursue what we want for ourselves above any considerations of the global common good? Do we really want to be a country that only supports and values our international relationships when it serves our interests? Do we really want to be a country that cannot be depended on to keep our promises and to fulfill our mutually-agreed obligations? If so, then maybe we already have the political leadership that we deserve. 

I cannot quite bring myself to believe that is the kind of country that most of us truly want. I understand that my perspective is probably biased because I have had great educational, career, and economic advantages. I have been surrounded by extended family and friends who have cared for me and wanted me to succeed. I have had strong role models in life and faith that have kept me humbled and connected.

I hope that what most Americans truly want is to be a country that is known for our generosity, open-handed hospitality, and community. To be a country where no one stands alone. Where no one needs to be without an advocate or necessary support system. Where everyone has opportunity and encouragement to improve our lives and the lives of our communities and families. I hope that most Americans want to be a country that stands in support of the oppressed around the world. That keeps our promises and that is a respected and valued partner in addressing the growing trans-national problems facing the entire global community. Where our leaders serve and earn our respect and admiration.

Pollyanna-ish? Probably. Unattainable? Perhaps. Worth striving for and pursuing? Unquestionably. You see, unless we take action nothing will change. Unless "we the people" clamor for change and difference, it won't just happen. We either need to start or give up and give in to decline and defeat. And one of my hopes is that the choice becomes very clear between now and November 2020--and the we choose wisely.

Now, Then, and After Then

In the midst of a world that continues to feel like it has been rocked to its core--personally, nationally, politically--it feels like I have a limited capacity to think about things. And very few answers. A few weeks ago I read Kate Bowler's "Everything Happens for a Reason:  And Other Lies I've Loved" and she nailed it for me:

"I am stuck in present tense. With a scan around each corner I have lost the ability to make extended plans; to reach into the future and speak its language. I have lost the rhythm of anticipating the seasons."

Living life in 8-week increments has allowed us several cycles of chemo holiday, but the clock starts ticking again the minute we walk out of MD Anderson. I am thankful for every 8-week holiday--as I should be--but it does not mute the incessant ticking of the clock. The odd part of all of this is that every person on earth is living in the shadow of the ticking clock. But it has taken cancer to take the clock off of mute and raise it to awareness every day.

And while I feel mostly stuck in "present tense" as Bowler describes, I battle with a strong desire to look ahead to try to at least be able to imagine some semblance of a hopeful, longer-term future. Right now I feel like I can work within a framework of three seasons of life to consider: Now, Then, and After Then.

Now is when Carmen is feeling pretty good with few limitations--no chemo (at least until the beginning of August); no surgery; no hospital; no travel restrictions or dramatic physical decline.

Then is when Carmen goes back into chemo; physical decline; and eventually her life is shortened and ended by the cancer.

After Then is when Carmen fully experiences total peace, comfort, satisfaction, and fulfillment in the presence of God. And it is when I will support my kids, grieve for myself, and work to find some hopeful future, meaning, purpose, and engagement until my earth-clock stops ticking.

In the Now, we are seeking to keep things as normal as possible. But with a heightened appreciation for what we have together and can experience. In the Then, I will strive to support and comfort to the greatest extent possible. In the After Then, I will support the kids, grieve, and find a new cadence of life that respects our 34+ years together, but does not live only in photographs and memories.

Honestly, I have no real idea of what that looks like. All I know is that I feel like I really want to be able to imagine a meaningful, hopeful, and pleasant future. Although it will be broken, I will still want my heart to be able to smile.

Life's Not Fair ... and I am completely OK with that

Been thinking a lot about fairness lately--especially as many people have expressed their frustration/anger/disappointment that Carmen's cancer is "not fair". What did she/we do to deserve this? Nothing at all. But at the same time, what did we do to deserve many other parts of the life that we have had.


Did we do anything to deserve the three amazing and wonderful young women we know as our daughters? Certainly not enough to deserve them. How about the three godly, strong, and perfectly-suited men we know as our sons-in-law? Absolutely not. Have we lived well enough to deserve the three beautiful, capable, thoroughly enjoyable granddaughters that we are privileged to get to know more and more? Not a chance! Have we done anything to deserve the 30+ years that we have had together with a lifetime of memories packed in tight?


People certainly seem to have a much easier time embracing the good that we do not deserve than the bad that we do not deserve. But would I rather have everything be fair? Or would I rather get what I deserve? No. If I get what I deserve--for good or for ill--then there is no room for grace. Because grace is getting what I do not deserve.


In the spiritual sense grace is essential, because I could never live a good enough life to deserve God's favor or to merit His kind thoughts and actions towards me. If I was limited to what I deserve, then I would pay in the flesh and soul for every harsh word uttered, every improper thought expressed, and every selfish deed. (And I am not so self-deluded as to think that my kind words, or uplifting thoughts, or noble deeds would outweigh their negative counterparts.) I prefer grace over what I deserve because it is my only hope. And if I am going to be good with not getting what I deserve on the upside, then I can be disappointed, upset, and angry about Carmen's cancer, but I cannot shake my fist at the sky and cry "this is not fair!"


Make no mistake, I am not a fatalist, and I care very deeply about our current disease fight. But I neither blame God, nor do I feel that this should not be happening to us because we don't deserve it. No matter the outcome in the near term, I would not trade the good that we have not deserved to get out of this. AND, I am utterly confident that whatever comes in the near term, our experience of long term grace will make these weeks and months seem like but a fleeting moment.


Press On!

End Game?

I have been following (or partly following) this week's emerging and expanding news accounts of the "involvement" of the Russians in our last election.  But today I find myself asking, "What is the end game of these investigations and hearings?"  If the actions of Mr. Trump and/or his associates was prosecutably criminal, then that may lead down the path of impeachment.  Even if it is demonstrated that Mr. Trump succeeded in the 2016 election "because of" Russian involvement, I cannot envision a situation where the election results would be nullified and the office given to Mrs. Clinton.  

But what if the sum of these actions does not rise to the level of criminality?  What if the actions of Mr. Trump's surrogates and associates was merely (merely?) reprehensible and morally outrageous?  At that point (full disclosure=I believe that we have already crossed that line), I think that the Republican leadership needs to disavow Mr. Trump and cut him adrift.  That may be a difficult political choice, but I know that I am watching to see what happens over the next few weeks.  If the Republican leadership continues to allow Mr. Trump to hijack the Party, then I, for one, will be looking for a new political home.

The High Road Pledge

A call to all candidates in 2018 and 2020 elections (and to the people who may or may not vote for them):

It has become increasingly clear that the political parties, elected representatives, and candidates are unable to police themselves when it comes to civility and respect in public discourse.  When our current President can behave like the worst 2nd grade playground bully and no "leader" in his party will call out his behavior as unacceptable, then perhaps it is time for the majority of Americans who are not blindly committed to a particular party or individual to call for change.

I wonder what might happen if candidates in the next two election cycles--2018 and 2020--would take a pledge like the one below and if the voters, media outlets, and debate hosters would hold them to the pledge?  Perhaps a pledge like this:

I [Candidate Name] commit that I will run a campaign of integrity that will be marked by debate on the issues, not personal attacks.  That will focus on why my ideas are good for America, and not on why my opponents' are not.  That will be driven by a desire to create the best America for the next generation, and not for the short-term benefit of the privileged few.  That will pursue common ground, and not seek to divide.  That will tell the truth, and not shade the facts for my own political advancement.

I will respect my opponents, and by respecting them, I will respect those whose votes we all hope to win.  I will respect my opponents, and by respecting them I will be able to provide leadership for all of my constituents--not just those who voted for me.  I will respect my opponents, and by respecting them I will never need to look in the mirror (or my grandchildrens' eyes) and be disgraced or embarrassed.

I ask the media, please do not accept any advertisements from my campaign, or from anyone else on my behalf, that denigrate or disrespect my opponents.  No one who engages in personal attacks against my opponents speaks for me.  I ask those who host debates or town halls; if, in the heat of the battle, I engage in personal or disrespectful attacks against my opponents--turn off my microphone.

Rest assured, I am in this race to win, but not to win at all costs.  I affirm that there are values that are more important than winning an election and I will not sacrifice those values for my own political success.

Signed: [Candidate]

Those of us who are disgusted and disheartened by what we see today in the realm of public discourse, and who do not wish to pass on to our children and grandchildren the country that we are becoming, we cannot merely throw our hands in the air and lament the sad current state of affairs.  We must make our voices heard.  We must write.  We must speak out.  We must vote.  And in the midst, we must not stoop to the level of discourse being modeled in Washington D.C. and in many statehouses across this grand and glorious country.  The possibilities for America's future are worth striving for.

Because if we do not, the light of hope grows dim.

59 Weeks -- Reality Check 2017 #1

After about seven months of focused training, this weekend is the first of several tests of whether the training has made a difference--and what difference it has made.  This weekend the Frisco Superdrome hosts the 2017 Track Masters Regional Championships and I will be riding the 500, the 2k Pursuit, and the Match Sprint.  These are the same events that I will be doing at the National Championships in late June.

I confess to being a bit nervous.  I know that I have been working hard--in fact, I do not know that my body could have held up under harder training.  I have lost a lot of weight and re-balanced body fat and muscle down to about 15% body fat.  I have upgraded my equipment to the stiffest and fastest that I have ever ridden.  Now I just need to put it all together--and not fret.

After all, racing is not my day job and it is supposed to be a hobby that I am doing for fun.  We'll see how it goes and maybe I can reflect on this first test.

59 Weeks -- The Clock Doesn't Lie or Care What You Want to Hear

For those who are both optimists and have a good imagination, when faced with a big goal or project it is tempting to see everything related to the task or project through a certain lens--usually one of how I would like things to be and not necessarily how things actually are.  Well, for the 59 Weeks project, this weekend will be a time to take off any reality-skewing lenses and see reality.  And it has me a bit nervous.

A couple of principles that drive my life are:

}Esse Quam Videri:

◦To be rather than to seem to be

}The Stockdale Paradox:

◦You must retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties.

◦AND at the same time…

◦You must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

These principles reflect my desire to live authentically and to experience an authentic reality--whether it is hopeful or disappointing; easy or difficult; fully engaging or slogging through what needs to be done.

This weekend is the Alkek Omnium, a track race at my local velodrome here in Houston.  There are six events total and two of them are the events that fall within the boundaries of 59 Weeks--the 500m Time Trial and the 2,000m Pursuit.  I will be racing these events against the clock this weekend. There will not be any room for "how did it feel?" or "do I think I did OK?"  Instead there will be a number associated with each event.  That number will not be influenced by how I feel or what I would like the number to be.  It will be what it is--nothing more and nothing less.  And my fear is that the number will be far from my objective--perhaps very far.  Therein would lie the challenge.

But while I am a bit nervous, I am also looking forward to getting real numbers that will tell me where I am now in my performance and how far that is from where I want to be.  I want to face the most brutal facts of my current reality--whatever they may be.  Only then will I be able to work with my coach to gauge what we need to do to work from this weekend's numbers to the numbers that I want to ride in Los Angeles at the end of 59 Weeks.  I have set a target for sub-38 seconds in the 500 and 2:35 or so for the 2k Pursuit.  This weekend will show me where I really stand--not just where I hope to stand.

59 Weeks -- Would-Be Weekend Warrior to World Championships

In mid-October of 2017, the Master's World Championships in track cycling will be held in Carson, California (by Los Angeles).  I want to be there.  To race.  To ride as fast as my much-better-trained-by-then legs and heart will drive me.  And I want to do well.

There.  I wrote it in public.  It is out there for the world to see--or at least those few who read my blog.  It is my line in the sand.  And it is a bit scary.  More than a bit daunting.  But also rather flip-flopping in the stomach exciting.

59 weeks is a long time.  Not as long as an elephant's gestation period, but still seems like a long time to me.  At least a long time to have a disciplined, persistent focus on one thing.  Certainly this will not be the "one thing" that I do for the next 59 weeks.  I do have a day job and family and a few friends.  But for the next 59 weeks I want to pursue this task, this activity, this accomplishment, this endeavor, with more discipline, focus, and determination than I can recall applying to any particular task (apart from law school).  Frankly, I hope that I can do this, but I do not know.

59 weeks of focused and directed training.  59 weeks of eating to fuel the training and racing.  59 weeks of consistently being in the weight room.  59 weeks of getting at it day after day after day.

I am certain that there will be days when the last thing that I want to do is another dead lift or to get on the bike for another round of sprint intervals.  There will be days when I just want to sleep in.  Or eat a big piece of cake with ice cream.  Or "just watch."  But this is an opportunity that I do not want to pass up only to regret it later when it truly would be too late.

J.I. Packer drew the contrast between "balconeers" and travelers in Knowing God.  The balconeers sat in safe and comfortable chairs above the clamor and dust of the road below.  The balconeers had a running commentary about how the travelers could improve their journey or travel "better."  The balconeers were experts in all areas of their observations and imaginations--but they never actually went anywhere.  The travelers got tired and dirty and took the occasional wrong turn, but at least they got to experience the journey firsthand.  That is what I want from what remains of my life here on earth--to be in the mix and not on the couch.  And my place to start is the next 59 weeks.

Since moving to Houston I have been fortunate to be able to race with the NWCC (Northwest Cycling Club) Race Team and with some friendly and encouraging teammates.  A few of us are targeting the 2017 Master's Worlds and it will be great to have some other travelers to share the journey with.  

Make America [truly] Great Again--and words DO matter

As one for whom words matter, the phrase Make America Great Again (that seems to be almost omnipresent in today's political discourse), got me thinking during my ride today.

I am not opposed to making America "great" again, but what do we mean by "great"? By great do people mean Rich? Strong? Intimidating? Better somehow than other nations? If this is what is meant by making America great, then I want none of it.

But what if instead of great riches we pursued great opportunities? Instead of great strength we exercised great compassion? Instead of great intimidation we were known for generous, welcoming civility? If you listen much to the political pundits and candidates, the United States is no longer the land of the free and the home of the brave--but instead is the land of the bigoted and the home of the fearful. As for me, I want no part of Mr. Trump's "great" America.

Instead, I want an America that reflects the greatness of David Dawson, Dr. Sedlack, Dr. Cornell, and countless others who have chosen to devote their lives to teaching the next generation(s) of students that words matter and that learning is valuable. I want an America that looks like Kathy Johnson who has invested her time and money in taking music and hope to the Cuban people. I want an America that demonstrates devoted kindness to those in great need like Karen, Emme, and Maea Wistrom who put a face and words and hands to the work of Children's Hope Chest (and Jay who holds down the fort to make those trips possible). I want an America that makes choices like the Bubalos and Porwalls who had the talents and drive to pursue any career path, but have chosen lives of frugality and sacrifice so that others may hear words of hope and opportunity. I want an America that looks like Wallace King who chose, throughout his career and in retirement, to give of his time and energy for the civic good--not merely for his own advancement. I want an America that is respected and appreciated for who we are in our core character, and not mocked for the ridiculous rhetoric of our prospective "leaders".

Reader, you have your own list of people that you believe reflect the America that you desire. How about if we all do two things: 1) set the tone by developing and demonstrating this type of character for ourselves; and 2) insist that those who would represent us demonstrate these characteristics.

Remember, "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men and women to do nothing."

My name is Ken Prine and I am running for Governor

What a crazy night! Sometime after midnight I started dreaming that I was running for Governor, but not of any particular state, and off and on for then next few hours (until about ten minutes ago) I was campaigning on immigration issues. So here it is.

The immigration issues that our country faces today have two main facets. First, who should be able to come to the United States legally? And Second, what do we do about folks who come to or remain in the United States illegally?

First, who can come to the United States legally? I believe that the overarching principle that we must remember is that most of us who now live here came from somewhere else. Whether we came in the mid-1600's as my family did, or in the mid-2000's as some people I know, most of us came from somewhere else. We ARE a nation of immigrants. Our forebears came to the U.S. for a variety of reasons. Some came for economic opportunity. Some came for religious freedom. Some came unwillingly. Some came to flee persecution or oppression in their home countries. But apart from those who were brought here in generations past against their will, we came here because we believed that life in the United States would be a life of greater hope and opportunity. Is this any different today?

The answer to this question is not to close our borders; or to embark on a wholesale ban of certain ethnic, economic, or religious groups; or to build walls. A part of the answer is to celebrate that the United States is still a country where those around the world who are yearning for hope and opportunity want to come. The other part of the answer is to keep/put in place processes to ensure, as much as we can, that those who are coming to the United States are coming to work hard for hope and opportunity--not to do us harm. No process will ever keep out everyone who may have harmful intent, but that is the downstream role for law enforcement. And if we fall prey to the instinct to pull up the drawbridge now that we are safely inside the castle, then I believe that we have lost something fundamental to who we are as Americans. We must have safe and secure borders while continuing to promote expansive, speedy pathways to legal immigration.

Second, what about those who come to or remain in the United States illegally? To start with, immigration enforcement questions have easy answers if there are no faces. In the abstract the answers seem straightforward to me--if a person entered the country illegally or has overstayed their expired visa, then they should go back home and enter legally if they want to come back. Think of it this way. If you operated a buffet restaurant and someone snuck in the back door, should you feel obligated to allow them to continue to eat at the buffet just because they managed to sneak in? Of course not. And if someone paid for their meal yesterday, but didn't leave when you closed the restaurant last night, should you be obligated to let them eat today and every other day that they manage to not leave your restaurant? Of course not! But should either of these people be thrown in jail? Should you never let them eat in your restaurant again? Of if they pay for the meals that they ate, and agree to pay for any meals that they eat in the future, might they be some of your best customers in the long run?

And what if the reason that the person snuck into or stayed in your restaurant was because they believed that was the only way they could get food for their family? Does that change the outcome?

The current Republican frontrunners' positions to simply "build a wall" and kick out everyone who is here illegally are both shortsighted and impractical. I believe that if we are going to address the issue of people who are in the United States illegally, we need to create a process and an environment that does not drive people further underground, but that gives hope that they can have a better life by pursuing legal immigration status. If someone thinks that folks will "self-deport" just because some politician says they should, or that a wall will actually keep people out, that person does not understand human nature very well. If someone thinks that they can send immigration enforcers out across the country to drag 11 million people to the border kicking and screaming--without causing massive social unrest far more harmful than the illegal immigration issue--that person should wake up from their daydream.

Am I suggesting amnesty? Not really. Amnesty means ignoring past conduct--a no blood, no foul mindset. I am not suggesting that past misconduct should be ignored, but instead that it should be only one of several factors in what steps should be taken to become a legal immigrant. Those steps could include paying fines, paying back taxes, community service, or--in some cases--deportation and a return to the person's home country to start the legal immigration process. One thing is for sure. If we are going to address the immigration issue in a civil, humane, and American way we will need to invest resources in personnel, processes, and technology to enhance border security/entry; to monitor visa status of those who are legitimately here on a short term visa; and to process the cases of those who are currently here illegally.

Thanks for hanging in this long. That is my campaign stump speech on immigration. I can only hope that tomorrow night I can dream about camping or bike racing, or you may be able to read my stump speech on a different issue tomorrow. And just to be clear--I am not running for Governor.

Embarrassed to be a "Republican"

I have been registered as a Republican for my entire voting life. And most of the time my outlook on life has more closely aligned with Republicans than with Democrats. Yet, as a limited government, fiscal conservative, social moderate--whatever those terms mean in 2016--I feel very misaligned with where I see the Republican party heading. Those who know my visceral support and pursuit of decency and civility may think that this "rant" will be about Donald Trump. And while that course of action would be justified, this post has little to do with Mr. Trump. Instead, this is related to the current Supreme Court vacancy.

The Senate leadership--specifically Senators McConnell and Grassley--are making a mockery of the Constitution and their Constitutional responsibilities. The President's job is to put forward a nominee and the Senate's job is to either confirm or not confirm--period. This nonsense of "giving the American people a say" is nothing more than empty pandering. The Constitution does NOT give the American people a say. This is an enumerated responsibility that is set at the feet of the President and the Senate. Beyond that, if it had been Justice Ginsberg who had passed away or retired, I cannot conceive of a universe where the Senate Republican leadership would be refusing to even consider a nominee.

The Senate has a job here and if they are unwilling to do their job, then--if they were public servants of conscience--they would resign. Or at the very least, not be returned to office by the voters in their states. For me, this November I will not cast a vote in favor of any Senator who refuses to consider a Supreme Court nominee or any Senator or House member who supports not even considering President Obama's nominee.

If I went to my boss and told him, "No matter what you ask me to do that is listed in my job description I will not do it" I might be given a moment to reconsider such a rash statement. And if I persisted I would be fired--and would deserve no sympathy or support. I would clearly be on the moral low ground. If the President told Congress, "I will veto every bill you pass, no matter what it is" there would be resounding calls for his impeachment. How is the Senate's obstinacy any different?

The current Senate Republican leaders are setting themselves up to fail in their core Constitutional responsibilities. If they continue down this obstructionist path, they should not be allowed to continue to serve. They all took an oath. An oath to defend the Constitution. Perhaps they need to take a close look in the mirror and answer the question--How will you defend the Constitution from yourself?

An Open Letter to the Republican "Leadership"

Good afternoon,

I am writing to encourage you all to take a step back, take several deep breaths, and look at a time horizon that is beyond November of 2016. It may well be that the fate of America's future does not depend on who is elected President next November. But it may also be that America's trajectory will be substantially altered by the outcome of both the campaign and the election.

Mr. Trump has certainly stirred the pot--especially with his recent threat to run as an Independent if he is attacked for his stated positions. My sense is that you all are concerned that if Mr. Trump makes good on his threat, then we will almost certainly be looking at Mrs. Clinton being elected in November. While you may be tempted to acquiesce in the face of Mr. Trump's threats, please hold your ground for three reasons:

First, even if Mr. Trump were to run as a Republican and win, does he really represent what the Republican party has become? If so, then the party certainly has bigger and longer term issues than who is in the White House for the next four years. If your desire is for a Republican to win the White House in 2016, then what good does it do for someone to win under the party's banner whose policies and approaches to governing are not what you believe that the party stands for. Surely you cannot primarily be committed to pursuing Mrs. Clinton's defeat at any cost.

Second, the more substantial "enemy" is not Mrs. Clinton, or ISIS, or extremists of any flavor. I contend that the greater danger is that of "winning" in the short run, but of sacrificing what America is and can be for the future. The United States of America that I love is a country where we are defined by the openness of our hearts and minds, and not by the closed-ness of our doors. Where every person enjoys the protection of the law, not just "people like us". Where we offer refuge and opportunity for the oppressed and downtrodden. Where we extend hands and words of hope to the hopeless. My greatest fear is not of terror attacks or of a second Clinton presidency, but of losing that which makes us an unique people and a nation to be proud of. If those qualities that have set the United States apart for the past 200+ years are lost or are meaningfully disfigured, it will take generations to recover our place in the community of nations.

Third, if indeed you believe that the Republican worldview is the better worldview and should be the worldview that leads our country to a better future, then I implore you to articulate the Republican worldview in terms of what the party is for and what the party will pursue and promote, as opposed to what the party is standing against. Let the people know what the party is for, not just what the party is against.

If Mr. Trump were to be elected and seek to govern under the Republican banner--and in keeping with his current rhetoric--then in my opinion the United States would be set back for the next 50 years in terms of being an influence for good in the world. Please do not sacrifice the longer term positive place in the world that the United States could have on the altar of winning in 2016. There is so much more at stake than a four-year term in the White House.

Best regards.