Check the Brakes

Saturday's club ride was miserable--for the first 23 miles or so. My legs felt heavy and I was having to work much harder than expected to keep up with the group. What was wrong with me? Over-training? Did I need some time off the bike to recover fully? Am I just not cut out for this? A very fast, dark spiral of self-doubt and negativism. Then we stopped for a breather at the halfway water stop.

When I checked the rear brake, it had been rubbing on the wheel the whole time. Essentially I had been riding all morning with the brakes on. I felt like Charlie Brown's attempt to kick the football. The second half was a completely different experience. The self-doubt and negative self-talk went away and the rest of the ride was more like it should have been.

Why was my first thought that there must be something wrong with me? Why did I not think that something mechanical might be the issue? Why was I so quick to assume that I had lost the benefit of all of these months of training just from taking a couple of days midweek of not riding?

It would not have been easy to spot the brake issue while I was riding. I could have detected a flat tire pretty easily. An issue with the chain or the gears would have been apparent. But my rear brake is under my seat and I am not flexible enough, nor a good enough bike handler, to bend around and look under and behind my seat while I am riding down the road. But when I stopped and looked over my bike, the problem was easy to see--and correct. And once corrected, the ride was fundamentally different. I could expend my energy in moving the bike forward, not in getting past the engaged brake.

The writer of Hebrews may have had a similar experience in mind when he wrote, "throw off the sin that so easily entangles and run with endurance the race set before us." I wonder how much progress in Christlikeness or self-realization is hindered because we find ourselves fighting against the "engaged brakes" in our lives. I wonder how much more progress we could make if we regularly did a quick check to see that the brakes are released and the wheels are spinning freely?

Next time, or right now, check the brakes.

Shutdown Juxtaposition

In last Sunday's Houston Chronicle I came across two stories in the front page section that caused a double-take. The first was an article about the Miss Universe pageant that discussed how the Muslim extremists in Indonesia caused the pageant organizers to modify the swimsuit portion of the competition by intimidation and threats of violence. Now I really do not care much about the Miss Universe pageant and what kind of swimsuits they compete in. But I found myself reacting strongly against the notion that one group of people should bully another to get their way. The second article was about the Tea Party Republicans and their efforts to intimidate the Senate Democrats into making certain decisions to "change the rules" related to the Affordable Care Act with threats of economic violence and government shutdown. While I am no fan of the new healthcare law, the Tea Party's actions seem indistinguishable from those of the Muslim extremists. Does the Tea Party not see this?

I almost feel bad for John Boehner. He is trying to hold together a political party where a substantial minority have forgotten what it means to govern in a multi-faceted context. Is there a way to overturn the Affordable Care Act? Sure there is. Win enough seats in Congress--both houses--and repeal the law. On the other hand, since the Act is law, then the Tea Party should either work to negotiate changes, pass new legislation, or develop a message that resonates with the American people--not just their own small group of constituents.

In our republic each individual must sometimes set aside what she or he prefers in order to advance the greater good of the whole. I may not like very spending decision made by Congress or the state legislature, but I must still pay my taxes; some of which go to support programs and tasks that I support and some that do not. In any healthy relationship, there is give and take--not take it or leave it!

I do wish that political conservatives would understand two things. First, what goes around comes around. Can you imagine the outcry if the roles were reversed? Second, no one likes, or will support, a bully who intimidates and threatens to get their way.

Perhaps there is a need or an opening for a conservative party that also understands civility and what it measn to govern across political, economic, and cultural boundaries. The Republican Party in October of 2013 doesn't seem to grasp these concepts.

A Shift in Focus

Readers of this blog may notice a change to the tagline. A couple of things are driving that change. First, I am finding that I cannot think good thoughts while I am riding--too many other things to be attentive to. Second, I am finding the notion of authentic living to be interesting and challenging--perhaps worth investing some time and reflection on. At some level, I hope that this blog has always been about authenticity. But I want to sharpen the focus, and aliong the way, sharpen my thinking and actions in this area.

As a starting point, what is authenticity? Should I/we try to "be" authentic? And if we have to be authentic are we really authentic? Are there limits to where authenticity is beneficial in relationships? Work? Faith communities? Is there such a thing as too much authenticity?

I am looking forward to embracing and wrestling with the questions.

Pressing on!

Reflecting on Emma's Passing

My dear friend Dan,

There are no words--quite simply no words in and of themselves--that can contain a parent's grief; that can soothe the unthinkable; that can answer all (or really any) of the inevitable questions; that can offer what you may need. I wish I could be there--not to say anything, but just to be present with you. That would be the best that I could offer you.

But there is presence behind some words. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. All things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose. Blessed are those that mourn, for they will be comforted. The presence behind these words give them their power. There is no power or real comfort in the words alone, but in the One who spoke the words--who speaks the words.

You have reminded me often that the One who speaks these words is worth listening to. That He has something worthwhile to say. And you have been right. You still are--His words are backed by His power and His peace passes understanding. I certainly do not understand how it works, but we both trust the One who says that it does--that He does.

Pain is a bullhorn that shouts something. I can only imagine that your current pain may feel like it is shouting loss and despair and emptiness. Those things are real, but they are not everything. What if your pain today is also a pointer to something good and hopeful--that this life is not all that there is; that our future life with God is even more real and valuable and desirable than what we temporarily have in the here and now.

As Dads, we spend so much time providing and protecting, and I do know--in some measure--how it feels when our best efforts seem to come for naught. When we feel unable to provide or protect. Over the past few months I have wrestled with how God fits in this picture and my conclusion has been that I am not God, but He is. It is not my universe, it is His. I cannot draw out good results from tragedy, but He can. I cannot offer peace that passes understanding, but He does.

I am glad that you have lots of people who can be physically present with you. You all have invested in others through the years--time, energy, prayers. In this season, you have the opportunity to allow others to be for you what you have been for them--and I hope that you will feel as supported and blessed as you have made others feel.

I love you my friend and will continue to pray for and lift you all up from afar. Let's talk again soon!

Ride Forrest Ride

At about mile 64 of yesterday's century, I went over 4000 miles in 2012. (That would be like riding from Minneapolis to London--but drier.) I did not begin the year with a goal of 4000+ miles and it was never a "bucket list" item for me. In many ways, it has just happened. I do not have a lot of long rides (only three of 100 miles or more), but there were not many weeks where I missed more than a day or two. Quite a few rides between 15 and 25 miles and now 4000+. I have worn out a few tires, but have only had 3 flats this whole year--and two of them were yesterday! Most of my rides have been alone, but some of my best times this year have been riding with Carmen, Abby, and my friend Jeff.

Riding has given me time to think and pray. It has allowed me to meet some strangers along the way--from Broadway Cycle shop rides to Brett from Round Rock, Texas whom I talked with yesterday for the first 22 miles or so. It has been a point of personal discipline of getting on the bike whether I feel like it or not. And of the accomplishment of tackling a tough ride into the wind (and uphill both outbound and inbound). I have seen some beautiful countryside, like the top of the hill overlooking Pelican Lake, and some things that I have never seen before, like the cotton fields and big bales outside of Austin yesterday.

This milestone is not a destination, but is a point of note on a continuing journey.

This reminds me a lot of how a journey with God ought to develop. A beginning point and then more or less steady growth over time. This may not be everyone's experience, but I think that it is the most long-lasting. I know that when I have set out to take a "big" growth step it is usually short-lived at best. My grand intentions are smashed on the granite of inconsistency. But when I resolve to simply do the next right thing, or take the next step, and then do it over and over, before long I find that real, sustainable progress is being made.

This may seem ironic to those who know me, but one of the keys for me is to not think too much about the end result, but instead to give greater attention to what I must do today. This has not always been how I have felt, but it seems to be an approach that is working better. Yesterday's ride was very difficult--20 mph wind after mile 22 that was either a headwind or a strong crosswind). Later in the ride, if my only thought would have been the 30 or 40 miles remaining the feeling could have become paralyzing pretty quickly. But by bringing my focus to enduring through the next 5 miles, the overall task felt more doable. At any given point in time I might not have been able to envision slogging through another 30 to 40 miles, but I could see the next 5 miles as being halfway to Jeff and Jeanne's house.

Thinking of praying for God's work in each country of the world may be daunting, but deciding to pray for one country each day is something that I can do. I cannot reasonably sit down and read through the entire Bible in a week or so, but I can decide each day to read a few pages that day. And after taking these steps day by day, little by little I will be able to look back and see progress.

Every ride during the months leading up to yesterday's milestone was not better than the ride before. Each new ride was not a new personal best. But looking back today over 9 1/2 months of concerted activity, I am a much stronger rider than I was in January. May that also become more true about my faith.

Pressing on,
-Ken