What Next?

What is it about some people that we cannot be content unless we are pursuing the next? The next adventure, the next dollar, the next relationship, the next house, the next job, the next [fill in the blank]. Is there something inherent in human nature that makes us strivers? Or does this attitude afflict only some people?

Not long after crossing the finish of last Sunday's marathon I began considering what comes next? Certainly some time of reduced running distances is called for, but what will be the next challenge that I want to pursue? A century ride (100 miles) on my upcoming 50th birthday? A long trail run? A thru-hike of the Superior Hiking Trail? I don't yet know the answer, but I feel the pull of the question. (And why isn't sitting by the fireplace to read a good book or going to an opera on the list?) I love running just for the sake of running, but I find that it always helps to have some goal out there to be pursuing. It helps me to stay motivated and it helps me to get out the door on those cold, windy, or rainy days when I feel like I would much rather just turn off the alarm clock and roll over in bed.

Seems to be a bit of a Catch-22. Those of us who feel driven have a love/hate relationship with that state of being. We love the thrill of the pursuit--whatever we are pursuing (and sometimes the "what" doesn't even matter)--but we are torn by the constant internal push. It is almost as if we are trying, by our efforts, to find our ultimate fulfillment in this life. And it is often an uncomfortable tension.

I wonder whether a part of this tension is that people were not designed for this earth/this life alone. And if this life is not the sum total of our existence, then it seems to make sense that we would continually long for more--or at least find it difficult to be fully satisfied with what this life has to offer. If we are not primarily intended for this life alone, then even the highest and best accomplishments of this life will only serve to point us to the "something more" that we were designed for. And if we are striving to find our ultimate fulfillment in this life alone, that quest will always be unsatisfying in the end. We will always cross one "finish line" only to begin wondering, what next?

I am convinced that the single greatest gift that I can give anyone--including myself--is to live with an eternal perspective. A rock solid realization that shapes my thinking and decision-making that this life is not all that there is. I still wrestle daily with how that eternal perspective interlaces with the day-to-day reality of having a job and a family, but I believe that it does. I also have this nagging feeling that if I get this one right, then a lot of the other questions about life will fall into place. Hmm...

Pressing On!

DLF>DNF>DNS

"Dead Last Finisher" is greater than "Did Not Finish" is greater than "Did Not Start." I was not the dead last finisher in the Goofy Challenge, but this was the best "item on a shirt" I saw in both races. I do not know what else to say--this was the hardest thing that I have ever done--both physically and mentally. There were times on Sunday when all I could do was to keep putting one foot in front of the other--reminding myself that if I stop, I will never finish. The race organizers said that between the 5k, the half marathon, and the marathon, there were 55,000 runners. There were more than 17,000 finishers in each of the half and the full marathons. That is a LOT of people. Looking around I was reminded that runners come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. And everyone is there running their own race.

For most people, finishing the race was the goal. Some had a particular time in mind, but for many people, success was found in crossing the finish line. Ultimately in an event like this one, each person runs their own race. It is really only the front 10 people who are realistically trying to win the race. Everyone else is running for something other than glory and public accolades. With everyone other than the front few people, it really doesn't matter what or how anyone else is doing.

Again I am reminded that life is that way--it doesn't really matter what someone else is doing. What matters is how I am managing all of the various aspects of my life. Not in comparison to anyone else, but in comparison to who and what I am called to be. The task is not to get to the "finish line" ahead of others, but to run the best race that I can. The ultimate measure of my success in life cannot be in comparison to others, but only in comparison to how I am fulfilling my calling.

I am taking today off from running, but I am looking forward to a short run in Florida tomorrow and in Central Park on Wednesday.

Pressing On!

Esse Quam Videri

"To be rather than to appear." This phrase has stuck with me since I first came across it a few years ago. The concept is not new--be authentic and not fake--but the Latin has a certain memorable ring to it. If one accepts the value of authenticity, the question then becomes what does it mean to be authentic? May I suggest that to live an authentic life means that my actions should be a window into that which I believe--without explanation or interpretation. After all, if I have to interpret my actions, then I am putting a spin on what I do that seeks to change the action's nature. If I have to say, "What I really meant was __", then I have not lived clearly.

I have come to believe that this kind of authenticity goes beyond merely believing the right things or thinking the right way. Esse quam videri-living goes primarily to what I do. Over the years I have become less concerned with the why and more concerned with the what. I know that some people would disagree with me, but I would rather do the right thing for a less than ideal reason than to not do the right thing at all. (Of course, the best outcome is to do the right thing for the most right reason.) I have just seen too many people--and certainly have been one myself at times--who believe or think the right things, but do not live out those beliefs and thoughts. That kind of living is of no practical value.

In today's Advent reading (yes, my book has readings through January 7th), Soren Kierkegaard observes that the wise men must have been perplexed that the scribes--the scholars and right-thinkers of the day--did not accompany them to honor the infant King. Did they not realize the import of what they claimed to know? How did they not draw the connection between what they knew and what that knowledge meant? The King of kings had arrived on the planet? How could the scribes simply treat this amazing event as a mere intellectual puzzle? And I must face the real question of the day, how do I so often overlook the connection between this ancient royal infant and the way I live day to day?

I wonder how 2010 would be different if I more consistently lived out my relationship to this King throughout the year? If I knew the answer it might translate into a plan of action, but I am not yet sure what it would look like. Perhaps I can think this through during the Goofy Race and a Half--after all, I should have plenty of time. I have this lingering feeling that this could be an important question to answer well.

Pressing On!

Winding Down

When I looked at the calendar and saw that today's run is scheduled for only 6 miles I realized that the training is winding down and all that will be left are the races. Once again, the effort and actions of several months or preparation will be reduced to a few hours on a Saturday and a Sunday. I wonder if it will feel anti-climactic at the end? Or will I just be thankful to be finished? Either way, 11 days from now it will all be done--39.3 miles in two days.

The year is winding down as well and it definitely feels anti-climactic. Whoop dee doo, 2009 is over and a new year is starting. Most people I talk with will be glad to see 2009 in the rearview mirror. For many people it has not been the greatest year of all time, but that is where there is real hope for 2010 to be better.

I have never been big on New Year's resolutions. After all, if something is important enough to be the subject of an initiative in the coming year, it should have been important enough to pursue all along. But, if thinking about life as a fresh start works for you, then have at it. The trouble with fresh starts is that when you drop the ball every time you start over, at some point you realize that maybe you just can't catch. At the same time, the benefit of a fresh start--a true fresh start--is that what I did yesterday doesn't have to be what I do/who I am/how I think today. And the most freeing thing about mercy is that the fresh start is real, and not merely a front.

What would you do if you could wipe your late clean (whatever that means for you)? Would you do it? If someone gave me the option to go back in time and have a do-over with parts of my life I wonder if I would? Yes, perhaps I could get some things right that I feel I have gotten wrong over the years. But what would I lose? My conclusion is that the best course of action is to look at today and say, "Here I am, warts and all. Now what will I do today that will make tomorrow closer to what I think I want it to be." This allows me not to wallow in regret, but still to be accountable for today's decisions that will make or unmake tomorrow's happiness. In the grand scheme of things, my actions, and to a lesser extent my thoughts, are all that I can control. So I will strive to control what I can and let go of trying to control or fix everything else. We'll see what happens ...

Pressing On!

The Dust Settles

Whew! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity, events, and people--a rather long list of things that were planned for by the end of 2009. Now, all of those events are finished and today was the first chance to take a deep breath and begin to reflect. This has been a very different Christmas season for a lot of people I know. For some the different nature of this year resulted from economic calamity or challenge; for others there are empty chairs around the table due to death, broken relationships, or moving away; some friends just sound like they are tired and worn out. This Christmas season is not what they hoped for or intended.

Sometimes I wish that I had a magical cure for broken hearts and lives; but, alas, I do not. It occurs to me that a person's character is revealed more in how they respond to challenges than in how they live in the easy, downhill times. It also seems that more often than not life's difficulties take us by surprise. Someone once said that the time to develop character is before the storm strikes, because when the storm strikes, it is too late to develop the character that is required to survive the storm.

I can see how the days after Christmas can be difficult for some people. The excitement is over and now we have the long, dark days of winter to look forward to. Not to be disrespectful, but this morning I found myself wondering what Jesus thought of being human when He woke up for His second day in an infant body. Did He wonder what He had gotten into? Yet, no matter how He felt on the second day--and the following weeks, months, and years--all of His earthly existence was focused on one goal--accomplishing redemption. And it was all worth it in the end.

Christmas then is not so much an end in itself as a beginning. I believe that Christmas can offer hope. Not necessarily hope that everything will be "fixed" right away. But hope that in the end, everything will be good. The road from today until all is good may be twisted and difficult, or it may seem too long, too hard, or impossible. But every year Christmas reminds me afresh that there will be an end ot the journey--and that in the end, all will be good.

Press On!