Just the Facts Ma'am

No matter a person's penchant or ability for self-deception, the watch and the scale do not lie.  They are impartial and objective sentinels of data, of raw information.  How to interpret that information is for someone else.  The watch and the scale are the Joe Friday's of life--just the facts.  Feelings and impressions are the anti-Friday's.  Not impartial and certainly not objective.  Take today for instance.

Finally back at home after a few days of travel and working from home--a great day for a Noon run.  I was thinking gazelle.  Bounding along the road.  Up and down hills.  Effortless.  Graceful.  Then came that house's picture window and I could have sworn that I saw a water buffalo lumbering toward the muddy water hole.  Maybe the glass was goofy--like the carnival midway.  Then I looked at my watch.  No interpretation.  No thought to what numbers I might want to see.  Just the facts--elapsed time and average pace.  Definitely NOT gazelle.  The stark color crayon of reality drew a stick figure on the Rembrandt in my mind.

For a moment I was mad at the watch.  Probably needs to be recharged or needs a new battery, right?  It must be set to some different time zone--like that would make a difference.  No.  Sadly, the problem was not with my watch, but with my perception and my wishes.  I have often said, "wishing doesn't make it so" and this was a chance to take heed to my own words.

Where does this enormous capacity for self-deception come from?  Is it just me?  And what can I do about it?  After all, the best way of thinking about my running is to have an accurate gauge of my fitness and ability.  Otherwise I am going to break off more than I can handle and end up getting hurt, or embarrassed, or both.

Without diving into the deep end of where the inclination for self-deception comes from, how can I deal with it?  In running, with a watch and an accurate measurement of the distances that I am running.  That way I can track my progress and see if I am making improvements by either increasing distance or decreasing pace.  Those numbers are not subject to self-deception and they do not lie.  In other words, I need an impartial observer who will not be swayed by what I want to hear.

So too in  my journey of faith.  Without some objectivity, it is so easy to think that I am in a much better position than I really may be.  While there are no "spiritual life watches," I can keep track of my progress with practicing spiritual disciplines that I know will lead to, and be indicators of, a vibrant spiritual life--prayer, Bible reading, service, solitude, confession.  I think that I would also benefit from a person who knows me, but who is impartial enough to call a water buffalo a water buffalo--even when I want my name tag to read gazelle.  (And really, who am I trying to kid.  Even on my best and fastest days I never made anyone think of a gazelle.  Maybe a really active Saint Bernard, but never a gazelle.)

I believe that the farther along the spiritual journey a person is, the harder it is to find that impartial, clear voice.  And more necessary.  At a certain point we get accustomed to people looking to us for guidance and encouragement and straight talking.  And the pool of people who are at our same point in the journey, or who are beyond us, grows smaller.  A good friend has been tapping into the wisdom of those long-dead saints for his impartial voice.  (Through their writings, not what you just thought.)  Maybe that could be a place to look?  I have resources on the bookshelf right in front of me that others who are way smarter than me in this area have put together.  It is worth a look.  I would hate to get to heaven thinking I was a gazelle only to be greeted as Mr. Water Buffalo.

Pressing on!
-Ken